The true importance of friendship is often reduced to joyous chartered laughter or idle companionship but in reality its implications goes beyond that. Friendships function as builders, molding our self-perception from the childhood playgrounds to retirement communities. Even though family offers the basis of our identity, friends act as sculptors and mirrors too by coining the narratives that define us, reflecting our values, and challenging the assumptions we hold.
In an age where loneliness is termed a growing public health concern and virtual friendships replace real life interaction, it has become all the more important to learn and appreciate the role friendships play in the formation of an individual’s identity.
This article of writing places a focus on the self concept of individuals throughout different life stages and cultures asking what we would be without friendships.
We can talk to your friends, and as voluntary relationships, their feedback feels more sincere unlike family members who are more bound to give feigned feedback.
Childhood Stage: The Playground as a Self-Image Laboratory
Friendships in childhood provide the first stage of identity development. Children through imaginative play tackle social roles (“I’ll be the student and you be the teacher”), learning sympathy and cultural etiquette. Developmental psychologist Jean Piaget noted that, in contrast to parent-child interactions, which are hierarchically ordered, peer relations serve as a basis for role and conflict resolution and point of view expansion.
A study carried out in 2018 by the journal Child Development showed that children who have stable friendships have more self-esteem and emotional strength, as friends serve as safe selectors of interests outside of family scrutiny.
Imagine a timid child being pushed by a friend to play in a soccer match. This social activity does more than just enhance one’s social skills; it modifies one’s self-image: “I am one who tries out new things.” Exclusion or bullying can, however, lead to the development of negative self-perceptions. Early longitudinal data show that rejection by peers at young age is associated with low performance and self-esteem in the adolescent years. These data point to friendships being either protective or detrimental.
Adolescence: The Central Conflict of Identity Development
Friendships become especially important during adolescence when peers begin to have greater influence than parents. James Marcia termed these roles teenagers play as ‘moratorium vs. achievement,’ and in today’s society, it’s more synonymous with the rebel, athlete and artist persona.
Marcia explains that the identity statuses stem from a process known as exploration which is facilitated through friendships. For instance, a teen who is conflicted over his sexuality may have the courage to navigate through it as a member of an LGBTQ+ group and what psychologist Brian Mustanski calls ‘identity affirmation through chosen family’ is a prominent theme during these situations.
The social environment may manifest into different behaviors because of the existing nuances and circumstances of each adolescent. The reward circuits in an adolescent teenager’s brain is hypersensitive towards social acceptance, which subsequently puts peer acceptance at the center.
Certain studies, like a 2016 fMRI study shown, social exclusion has the same neural wiring as physical pain and shows why teenagers may value fitting in more than standing out. However, such scenarios may be counter argued, as positive friendships provide an effective buffer against societal pressures. Studies like those in Journal of Youth and Adolescence reveal that those with close friends, regardless of marginalization, tend to have higher self-esteem and suffer from anxiety less.
Adulthood: Ghiers during periods of transition
In adulthood, friendships recreate but remain important. Work entanglements, parenting circles, or hobby-based acquaintances aid and assist in life’s transitions. A new parent may redefine their friendship with other parents by adopting work-life balance. Alternatively, marriage or job changes may create instability in self-concept; friends tend to offer some semblance of continuity by reminding us of traits that transcend limited, overlapping roles.
Importantly, adult friendships are more and more created with a purpose in mind. Sociologist Rebecca G. Adams argues that as adults, there is a selection of friends that represent our ideal self, for instance, a vegan may want to be surrounded by people who value the environment so as to affirm their ethical identity. This selection reinforces the idea of friendship as a decoding tool of adult’s self-actualization as argued by Abraham Maslow: through others, we see the possibility of what we can become.
Cultural Context: collective which friend means to the identity
The cultural context will influence the meaning of friendship in identity. In a more collectivistic society like Japan or Kenya, friendship is often shaped around community obligations which may have a positive net impact on family or societal roles. However, those in America are classified and individualists where studies done in Personality and social psychology Bulletin indicate that friendships are, ‘those who assist.’
From the self-identity perspective, these discrepancies result in differences in self-concept. Friends emphasize individuality in individualistic cultures where personal success is prioritized. In collectivist cultures, friendships promote self reliance with an identity based on collective relationships. Globalization, however, complicates this notion; cross-cultural friends can now form hybrid identities that surpass the idea of fixed geographies due to social media.
The Digital Age: The Splintered Self and Friendship in the Metaverse
Redefining the idea of friendship, social media blurs these boundaries significantly. Identity becomes curated on Instagram and TikTok while “likes” and followers become the epitome of validation. A 2021 In Computers In Human Behavior reported excessive use of social media as a relatable factor for self identity fragmentation as users create confined online personalities. But, those with marginalized identities find solace in these spaces as belonging is easy to access. A 2020 survey discovered that 40% of gamers find online friendships as meaningful as offline ones.
The duality of friendship is worsened by the digital age, and at the same time, paradoxically deepened. On the one hand, it intensifies the ability to strengthen ties with friends through virtual access while at the same time degrades the friendship into superficial actions. The focus shifts from self reflection to receiving external validation.
Each Friendship Has A Dual Nature
A good number of friendships are not supportive at all. Relationships that have a lot of conflict or competition can create a negative self image. A study by Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology conducted in 2019 revealed that friendships are not proportional and can lead to one person feeling inferior and overly accepting of that roles whatever it may be. This is akin to the kinds of peer pressure teenagers experience. Adolescents risk indulging in drug abuse and academic dishonesty just to fit in.
Even good friendships can have a very dark result of cumulative groupthink where biases are built around unflattering aspects such. In these social networks, people become more polarized, which only forces them to adhere to set rigid ideologies instead. To develop friendships that help one grow instead of constricting them, avoiding these traps is important.
Self vs Other The Undeclared Dance
Friendship has many forms and follows the motif of the eternal dance of self vs. other. That dance commences in the sandbox where companions to one’s self teach them how to play nice, to later in life where friends act as buffers of solitude. Friends, regardless of culture or age, compel one to become better and showcase the worst and best sides of them.
Even still, this particular dance requires a degree of attention. Having pursued any online platform, it is a chore just to try to keep a genuine friendship at this point. It is a form of commitment, so to speak, to try and make an effort to get and stay in touch with people. As the world we live in continues to fracture, these sentiments expressed by Cicero ring true: “Friendship increases happiness and decreases misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.”
In the end, perhaps the most precious feature of friendship is precisely freedom. It will remind us that we are, never will be, and do not actively try to be, alone in the world. Identity is not put together in solitude, but in companionship, in a unique work of art that is eternally unfinished.
