Friendships, like any relationship, fall apart through hectic work hours, changing lives or even geographical distance. But seeing friends that you were not with will not only be nostalgic, but it will also be socially important. If you’ve been considering contacting an old friend, but don’t know what to do, here are some tips for reconnecting, even if you haven’t heard from them in years.
1. Recognize the Disparity and Take the First Step.
Acknowledging the distance is the first step in reconnecting with former friends. Understand that the time and circumstance has brought them apart, but it doesn’t mean that friendship is irreparable. The majority of friendships, even good ones, end with a way of continuing from where they started.
It’s a very important first step. Don’t wait for someone else to reach out. Drop a message, call, or reach out via social media. “I was just thinking of you and wanted to check in.” can set the tone.
2. Choose the Right Channel for Communication.
Thanks to technology, reconnecting has never been easier. Make sure to use a platform that feels right and appropriate for the friendship:
Twitter / Facebook / Instagram / LinkedIn are ideal for casual outreach. You can comment on a post or message them in private to let them know you’re thinking of them.
Calls or Texts: If the friendship was more intimate, a text or call may sound more natural.
Email: For messages that last more than a few days, emails are a great way to catch up and remember each other.
Select the approach that feels comfortable and most likely to get them in.
3. Be Honest About Your Intentions
When reconnecting, honesty is key. Tell them that you are truly interested in catching up and building the relationship. You might say something like:
“I know I’ve missed you, but I was thinking of all of the good times we had and would like to see you again.
Acknowledging the gap indicates you’re aware of your own limitations and takes away the awkwardness. People value being transparent and will respond well to your transparency.
4. Start With Shared Memories
Making a trip back to cherished memories is an effective connection-making tool. Tell us something about your friend that you would like to share — a trip, a story, a milestone that you shared together.
For example:
‘I just came across an old photo of us from that beach trip we went on and it was all so much fun.
Recollections may elicit memories and can offer a wonderful place to begin.
5. Be Prepared for Different Responses
You need to know that your friend might not respond the same way. They may be happy to see you, or they might be hesitant if it feels like the distance is too long. Be patient and respectful of their emotions.
If the answer is tepid, don’t freak out. Others may not be able to process immediately or be emotionally in the same place. Be gentle with them, but leave the line of communication open.
6. Plan a Catch-Up Session
When you’ve broken the ice, propose another approach. If you live in the same city, arrange for coffee or lunch. If distance is a concern, a video call will do the trick.
Leave the preparation as simple and informal as possible:
“Come for a coffee and let’s catch up! How about next week?”
With a game plan in place, you’ll make the reconnecting process more firm and let them know that you mean business.
7. Keep your Eye on the Now and the Future
Reliving the past is an excellent way to catch up, but it’s also a great time to look forward. Discuss what’s going on in their life — work, family, hobbies — and let them know something about you. This strengthens the relationship by connecting you to who you are now and not who you were previously.
Stay optimistic and don’t dwell on the reasons you fell out of touch unless you really have to.
8. Nurture the Renewed Friendship
Reconnecting isn’t the end of the story. If you want to maintain the friendship, try to check in on each other often. Contact them from time to time, send birthday wishes, or just say hello.
A little daily effort can make a big difference in keeping that rekindled relationship going strong. Remember, relationships thrive when nurtured.
9. Remember That Friendships Will Alter From Time to Time.
It doesn’t mean friendships will all be the same, and that’s okay. Individuals develop over time, and relationships sometimes evolve as well. If the re-engagement feels different, accept the altered version of the friendship for what it is.
What counts is the time you spent together, and the memories you can keep making.
Conclusion
Going back to old friends, even after years, is very satisfying. It takes courage to communicate, but the satisfaction of rekindling an authentic connection is worth it. Just by being open, demonstrating interest and trying to maintain the new connection, you can bring even the best of friends back to life.
You don’t live long enough to let great friendships go. So start today, contact that old friend and you could rekindle a loved one so much that it’s like yesterday.
