It seems the only reason society fears aging is due to the cultural fixation on the youth as well as how the older generations lose social value. Older individuals today are misleadingly thought to be at a disadvantage holistically such as fitness, health, and social life. Having said that though, older generations are always found to be more content with their relationships than younger people because they always claim to have more emotional satisfaction.
This phenomenon indeed defies this notion of societal belief and supports the idea of the Friendship Paradox of Aging, as elderly people report their relationships to be more strong and satisfying. Friendship paradox of aging breaks the stereotypes revolving around older individual’s loneliness and challenges all of us to think how social bonds change or evolve over time.
Despite elderly people withdrawing from society and networks, friendlier bonds seem to strengthen. What is it that helps them gain meaningful bonds? It’s important to learn and understand their experiences. This article uncovers how aging has a positive effect on ‘The Art of Human Connection’, as well as the psychology of friendship gathering during old age.
Selective Sociality: An Analysis from a Unique Perspective
The focus here revolves around socioemotional selectivity theory (SST) described by Stanford psychologist Laura Carstensen. SST is the idea that how an individual views time socially- whether they have a larger or smaller future horizon- affects what social goals a person has.
Younger adults look at the long ends of horizons and focus on relationships that are ‘future-focused’, inter-cast, novel and career aiding (i.e., within a laddering context, networking). In contrast, seniors become aware of the limits of life, thus shift focus to emotional meaningful relationships with profound joy. These friendships are “present-focused” and allow them to relish in life.
This shift in focus elucidates the phenomenon of older adulthood social pruning where they tend to ignore people and work towards targeting two or one circles of deep trust. A 2018 fMRI study in Nature Aging demonstrates that there is greater neuralgia activity in the brain regions that are dedicated to emotional activity, for instance, the medial prefrontal cortex when older people observe the faces of friends that are close to them. This indicates that there is a neurological basis of emotional connection.
Understanding Mortality Salience
People’s social connections tend to get filtered through the lens of confronting mortality, which could be aging, suffering from health problems, or losing one’s peers. Terror management theory, or TMT, states that people get driven into forming close relationships with others around them to enable them to have some sort of symbolic immortality.
This brings to mind the concept of legacies that older adults aim to leave for their families which involve wisdom and love. A paper published in The Gerontologist in 2021 talked about how older adults who were open about mortality reported stronger bonds with their spouses and were more satisfied with their intergenerational connections.
Regulation of Emotions and the “Positivity Effect”
Similarly, older adults are much better at emotional regulation because they are conflict-averse and avoid positive experiences. The “positivity effect” is a phenomenon that has been referred to in various studies and describes how older people seem to shift towards remembering more positive interactions. This allows them to deal with emotions in different relationships with great skill. A good example of such a more recent study would be in Emotion (2019) whereby older adults seem to be more forgiving of wrongs committed by friends, which in turn preserves the balance in their social ecosystems.
The Unseen Labor of Aging – How Crisis and Care Forge Bonds?
Memory as a Social Connector
Friendship becomes a relational currency on its own. Older people usually have friends for about 30–50 years which have survived all of life’s challenges: illness, divorce, and recession. These shared experiences create a different kind of closeness. As one 72-year-old interviewee highlighted in a 2022 qualitative study, “My best friend knows all my ghosts – and still loves me.” A longitudinal study from the Harvard Study of Adult Development affirm that such relationships are best predictors of well being and happiness in the later age.
Importance Of Being A Caregiver
Increasingly and paradoxically, the burden of caregiving in later life, for a spouse, sibling, or friend, can also bring people closer. While caregiving has been found to be mentally challenging, research proves it can also create deep interdependence and high levels of gratitude. A meta-analysis in Aging & Mental Health in 2023 states that, for older caregivers, the experience of receiving adequate support allows them to foster high levels of ‘relational meaning’ as opposed to non caregivers.
A pandemic, by any means, has proved to be a crisis but in a way, they act as a crucible for honing and forging a person’s character.
Crises such as the COVID 19 pandemic was an experience that revealed the resilience of older adults. Even though isolation posed real dangers, many elderly people employed the use of technology to stay connected, some even took part in mutual aid groups or revived old friendships. According to a Pew Research study, during the pandemic, adults that were older than 65 were more likely than younger adults to describe interpersonal interactions as ’emotionally meaningful’.
A Crux Separating Fact From Fiction
Older adults are, by definition, less familiar with the Internet, however, the above mentioned statements are evidently proving otherwise. Adults aged over 65 and above reported that they use social media more frequently than they have used it even in the past years. In 2015, only 45 % of older adults said they use social media, however that number increased to 75 % during the pandemic year of 2023.
These include Facebook and Zoom which allows users to maintain long distance relationships, immerse in interest based communities, and make new friends. Even more so, older adults utilize technology Swedish grandparents type 30% more than their younger counterparts. The difference is that the younger users dive into algorithmic rabbit holes, whereas older users solely look for a purposeful connection.
The Conundrum’s Dark Side: The Shatter of Bonds
Not all narratives can be considered universal. Indeed, health inequities, discrimination like the one faced by LGBTQ+ seniors, and poverty can all lead to a greater sense of isolation. It is troubling to note, though, that among the elderly one in every ninth person suffers from dementia, and dementia is known to strip away the basic social competencies necessary to maintain relationships.
At the very least, there is some light at the end of the tunnel: “Memory Cafés” is one such initiative that is enabling Alzheimer’s and Dementia patients to connect and socialize around a cuppa coffee, thus showing that even when competent memories fade, friendships and connections are still possible.
Expanding Our Understanding, So We Don’t Feel So Alone
Having ‘followers’ and ‘likes’ has its pros, especially for Millennials and younger generations. But with these ‘friends’, it tends to get lonely when no one is socially available. The Friendship Paradox of Aging offers great insights for societal structure in this regard. These methods can be learned and modeled by elderly people:
- Implement Sharp Edges: Remove socially draining people, so you can focus on socially constructive ones.
- Don’t Prioritize, Make Investments: A casual unengaged presence is not enough, more effort and steady guidance is needed.
- Let go of Pretense: Authentic relationships can only exist when masks worn throughout youth are removed.
Redefining Richness in Relationships
The Friendship Paradox of Aging elucidates an astonishing reality: the number of people we know matter less than the depth of their knowledge of us. It challenges older adults who embrace the philosophy of ‘less but better’ to redefine the social wealth closer to resonance than depth.
Such insights suggest that instead of viewing aging as something negative, elderly people can visualize relationships in a much healthier way.
As a famous poet May Sarton stated, “Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.” It is possible that growing older in improving one’s social life enables us to turn the former statement into the latter one.
