Social support is very often viewed superficially and employed as a coping mechanism for mental or emotional issues. In the period of crisis, loved ones offer sympathy, help, and encouragement. That statement gives credence to the quote, “No man is an island.”
Nonetheless, there might be other very intricate parts to it such as social support causing enabling behaviors that might pose even greater danger.
Proponents argue that this paper seeks to illustrate the well intended, but misguided actions of friends as harmful supporting behaviors by friends. Drawing from the world and the literature of psychology, we try to demonstrate how social support could stimulate risk seeking behavior and how to provide effective supportive social services.
The Dual Nature of Social Support
Even in the context of a society or social circle, support includes emotion, tangible assets, and even informal guidance that a person can get from friends and relatives. Cohen and Wills (1985) demonstrated that it helps in mitigating stress, improving coping, and increasing a person’s general level of health. The only dark side is that support is sometimes poorly intended.
So called ‘friends’ who offer support but at the same time prioritize avoiding confrontation might be engaged in toxic support. According to recent studies, these kinds of support hinders people from recovering and growing, which is why it is increasingly viewed as toxic support.
Enabling vs Supporting – Understanding the Difference
Within the context of social problems, supporting does require work at times, like offering a listening ear without judgment or encouraging them to seek professional help.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, enabling is doing nothing when someone engages in self-destructive behavior which could invite bigger problems down the road.
Take the scenario in which a friend is covering up for a co-worker who has a drinking problem. The friend lies to the employer so that the co-worker continues drinking rather than offering to take them to their first therapy session which would help further the recovery process.
Key distinctions include:
- Intent: Support facilitates long-term health; enabling focuses on short-term health.
- Accountability: Support promotes responsiveness; enabling shuns confrontation.
- Outcomes: Support causes development; enabling fosters dependency.
Psychological Mechanisms Behind Harmful Support
Normalization of Harmful Behaviors
Social identity theory suggests that group norms shape individual behavior. Such behaviour is explained in social identity theory which suggests that group norms dictate individual conduct. Accordingly, such actions may get accepted within a group as normal, and members may realize that it is okay to act without feeling hesitation or guilt.
Fear of Confrontation
Many enablers avoid conflict to preserve relationships. A study in Communication Research found that fear of rejection drives people to withhold constructive criticism, even when aware of harmful behaviors.
Misguided Empathy
Empathy indeed cuts both ways. While enabling behaviors is wrong, misplacing sympathy is also wrong in the sense of attempting to put a person’s comfort ahead of their well-being.
Such is the case where a friend ends up giving financial aid to an individual with a gambling addiction which in real sense does not help the person, instead makes the situation worse. Positively framing an event in conjunction with sympathy does not offer help but motivates the negative behavior.
Recognizing and Addressing Harmful Social Support
Setting Boundaries
The principle of the relation is to respect boundaries and the character of the individual. Friends should provide help, but never to the point of shielding each other from the repercussions of their actions. For instance, refusing to hide the transgressions of a friend who has a substance problem helps to aid in taking responsibility.
Encouraging Professional Help
Therapists and support groups provide objective guidance. Motivational Interviewing (MI), a counseling approach, helps individuals resolve ambivalence about change, making it effective for addressing enabling dynamics.
Promoting Accountability
What many supporters can do is ‘interpret strength’ to use ‘tough love’ and take action. Some people are overly ‘concerned’ in a way that is distasteful. “ It’s not ok because I care, but you are abusing yourself,” strengthens the narrative without enabling.
Striking a Balance in Social Support
It must be emphasized that aid that people give can be positive and negative at the same time. Also, while social support is necessary for well being to be achieved, excessive sympathy can be dangerous. From the enabling patterns that friends exhibit, it turns toxic. But there is no doubt that setting boundaries and focusing on long-term goals can lead to strong relationships and empowerment.
Brené Brown the psychologist put it best – “clear is kind, unclear is unkind”. Clearly set boundaries helps to establish relationships that are constructive in nature.
