Friendships are one of the most valuable relationships we can have in life. But sometimes, even the closest of friendships go through rough patches that leave you wondering if the friendship is worth saving. When tensions arise or things become distant between you and a friend, how do you know if this is a friendship worth fighting for? Here are some key signs to look for:
Reflect on the Foundation of Your Friendship
Before trying to fix things, reflect honestly about what first drew you and this person together. Was it shared interests, values, experiences, or personalities that just clicked? Reminiscing about the qualities that made this friendship special and meaningful can help renew perspective. If the foundation was strong, it’s a good sign the friendship is salvageable.
Evaluate the History Together
Longstanding friendships that have weathered ups and downs before suggest this friendship has resilience. Talk with your friend about the history of your relationship. Discuss previous conflicts you worked through, and what helped you reconnect in the past. Friends that have a proven track record of overcoming difficulties and finding their way back to each other have a friendship worth fighting for.
Assess the Level of Trust
An unshakable bond of trust is at the heart of any lasting friendship. Do you have implicit faith in this person to be loyal, honest, and have your best interests in mind? Do they trust you in the same way? Being able to be vulnerable around someone requires tremendous trust. If that still exists, it’s worth preserving.
Determine if Your Values Still Align
People evolve, and sometimes lifelong friends drift apart as their priorities, interests, and values change over time. Have honest conversations about your viewpoints on relationships, lifestyle choices, and major life decisions. Discover if you are aligned on the things that matter most, even if you have differences on less important issues. Shared principles and perspectives strengthen the staying power of a friendship.
Look for Mutual Respect
The best kinds of friendships are rooted in mutual caring and respect. Do you still admire each other’s qualities and treat each other with kindness and consideration, even during disagreements? Healthy friendships uplift each other. If you still see the good in one another, it’s a sign of a bond worth fighting for.
Evaluate the Level of Reciprocation
Friendship is a two-way street. Reflect on whether support, care, and effort are reciprocated on both sides. Are phone calls initiated and plans followed through on equally by both parties? Or do you find yourself always being the one to reach out and make the effort? Imbalances can breed resentment. Equitable give-and-take nourishes lasting bonds.
Determine if the Friendship Is Still Enjoyable
Laughter, adventure, comfort—friendships should elevate our lives. If getting together with this friend still leaves you feeling happy and fulfilled, it’s a friendship worth preserving. But if interactions have become negative or draining, the friendship may have run its course. Friendships worth keeping leave both people feeling enriched after spending time together.
Assess If the Relationship Is Toxic
Sometimes friendships turn unhealthy. Reflect honestly if jealousy, competition, betrayal, or abusive behaviors are now present. Toxic friendships that tear us down are not worth holding onto just for the sake of history. Be willing to let go of harmful relationships, even if they were good ones in the past.
See If Forgiveness Is Possible
If your friendship has taken a wrong turn due to a painful rift or betrayal, healing may require forgiveness. With time and perspective, are you able to forgive this person and move forward in a spirit of understanding? Can they do the same for you? Genuine forgiveness must come from both sides for the relationship to fully mend.
Have an Open Conversation
If some reflection convinces you the friendship is worth salvaging, it’s time for an open and honest conversation. Don’t skim over ongoing issues—directly but compassionately share concerns, examine where things went wrong, and explore solutions. Listen without judgment. The friendship can emerge stronger if you push past discomfort to understand each other’s experiences.
Allow Time and Space
Trying times in a friendship may require some space to gain proper insight. Give yourself—and your friend—time for self-reflection. Taking a breather from the tensions in the relationship can provide greater objectivity to view the friendship with fresh eyes. After time apart, you may both realize just how much the friendship means.
Reconnect Through Shared Activities
If you decide to reignite the friendship, suggest meeting up for activities you both enjoy. Shared experiences that brought you together in the first place—going to concerts, volunteering, traveling—can remind you why you became friends. Recapturing the fun and joy of your time together can help heal and reconnect the relationship.
True friendships that stand the test of time are rare gifts worth nurturing. But all relationships hit bumps in the road. By taking time for honest reflection and having open communication, you can gain clarity on whether a strained friendship is worth the effort to mend. If the foundation beneath is strong, many friendships can be repaired and emerge even more meaningful than before.
