While people these days claim to have limitless connections through social media, most people sit and ponder, “How many of these individuals will remain with me in the years to come”. More often than not, the answers are grim. Friendships shape human happiness but their lifespan is becoming increasingly sensitive and fragile.
Studies reveal that the average lifespan of a friendship stands at around seven years. However, this number often obscures a complex set of factors that, when combined, explain the persistence of certain friendships and the fade out of others.
By exploring the sociodemographic and psychosocial aspects of the concept of “friendship lifespan,” this article urges people to be more intentional about the relationships they foster in a world of instant gratification.
Average Lifespan of a Friendship: What the Numbers Scream
Friendship is most often considered to be a stable association with people. Surprisingly, research shows the opposite is true. According to a 2020 research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, approximately 50% of friends individuals claim to be close to will be lost over a period of 7 years. Furthermore, a Dutch study on social networks showed that merely 1% of friendships formed during teenage years are intact by the time individuals reach older adulthood.
Major Findings:
- Types of Childhood Friendships: People often grow apart from childhood friends due to differing life choices, more than 30 percent of these connections fail to endure.
- Workplace Relationships: This type of friendship has a lifespan of 2 to 3 years and tends to end with the job change.
- Geographical Mobility: After five years of moving more than fifty miles away, friends lose forty percent of communication.
Despite all this, some people have managed to defy the odds. For instance, the Harvard Study of Adult Development studies practitioners with long-term friends report decent life satisfaction. With the existence of such memories, a pivotal question arises – Why do some friendships overcome the challenges posed by distance?
The Forces of Fragmentation: Why Friendships End
Obvious and subtle aspects alike contribute to the end of a friendship. This can happen for an abundance of reasons, as presented below:
Life Changes
Significant life changes such as career changes, getting married or becoming a parent often leads to the exhaustion of emotional energy. According to a 2018 Pew Research study, Over 60% of Americans under thirty struggle with parenting and maintaining friendships simultaneously.
At age 34, Emma remembers her friends from college, and how she lost them when she relocated for work. “We had made a promise to each other to not drift apart, but without routines in place, the calls quickly became erratic and eventually came to a stop.”
Physical Distance as a Key Factor
The ‘proximity principle’, which is a foundation of the development of friendship, is also responsible for the unfriending. A study published in Psychological Science has shown that friendships that do not incorporate interactions through face-to-face meetings are estimated to decline by 15% each year. Even those who Zoom now and then seem to have less luck with those friendships because no one really talks anymore, not even over coffee.
Emotional Outlay Against Earning Potential
Sociologist Rebecca G. Adams rightly notes the following: “Friendships are willingly forged, hence, they are easy to ignore when every minute of the clock has to be accounted for.” Most individuals struggle to dedicate as much effort to friendly relationships due to mounting responsibilities.
Differences in Values
Priorities often change and so do values. When persons meet due to certain shared situations like a college party, there is always a likelihood of friendship based on one adopting sobriety or political activism – it crumbles.
The Psychology of Endurance – What Makes Some Friendships Last?
There are four categories of friendships which psychologists state last:
- Reciprocity: Equal emotional support for both parties.
- Vulnerability: Being able to share one’s struggles and insecurities.
- Rituals: Having meaningful interactions with a person through activities such as trips.
- Conflict Resilience: Having disagreements to a point where there is no lingering argument.
According to Dr. Marisa Franco, friends and family relationships can thrive when there’s investment from both parties. Franco pointed out in her book, ‘Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends’, that people hold onto friendships that are cherished in the above mentioned strategy.
Franco labels this phenomenon a secure style attachment which she says stems from trust and consistency.
The Benefits and Disadvantages of Technology
Social media can be said to impact friendships in a positive and negative manner.
Faux Connectedness
This is where ambient intimacy refers to low level interactions like commenting and even liking a post. Unfortunately the reality is these interactions are shallow and have no real relevance. A 2022 study published in the Computers in Human Behavior Journal found that individuals who spend a lot of time on social media report more feelings of isolation compared to those who interact face to face.
Reviving Old Friendships
Having technology makes it easy to bring back friendships that have long ago faded. Everyone has a primary method of contact, and most people make use of instagram DMS which I believe keeps old friendships from fully dying. Through sending DMS we also have the option of being part of alumni groups. But it is questionable how effectively those friendships will last.
Nuances Of Gender and Culture
Individualist vs. Collectivist
People from Japanese culture tend to have more stable friendships due to the community oriented cultures which value social cohesion. For individualists like Americans, they tend to have stronger personal preferences which leads to a lower formed bond.
Differences in Gender
Because of the emotional nature behind friendships, women are likely to form deeper bonds while men focus more on activity. As a result, men communicate less but strengthen their friendship through shared rituals like sports.
Ways to Maintain Friendships in Today’s World Where Everything is Disposable
Here are a few strategies that aim to aid in friendship preservation:
- Regular Check-Ins: Such as monthly calls or meetups once a year.
- Making Friends: Being open to changing your friendships.
- Speaking the Truth: Dealing with issues head on rather than shutting down.
Changing Perspective on How we View Friendship in the 21st Century
The more dynamic form of friendships today is a reflection of deeper changes in society – towards more mobility, individualism and saturation of technology. But the need for people to connect has not changed. While some friendships were clearly not meant to last, almost all if not all had profound effects on our well being.
As one seeks to understand these new friendships, one must ponder. Are we well equipped to contend with the rigors of maintaining deepened ties in a world full of options? The answer seems to lie somewhere between accepting the breaks which will inevitably come to friendships and the active building of those which matter.
Final Thoughts
Possibly the only yardstick to measure friendship is not its length, rather its meaningfulness i.e. the depth of joyous moments, growth and understanding they bring, irrespective of how short lived they are.
