A lot of people regard childhood friendships as temporary but emerging research seems to disagree. Rather these friendships help one combat anxiety and build resilience, positively shaping one’s mental state for decades.
With the help of advanced technology, studies have shown that childhood bonds are an integral piece in our deeply rooted psychological development. This article is here to challenge the notions of relationships built in childhood being casual and instead prove how they serve as depositions for one’s mental wellbeing.
The Evolutionary and Psychological Significance of Childhood Friendships
From the moment we are born, humans tend to be sociable. As many evolutionary psychologists argue regarding the instinct to want friendships as children, it is not random. It is a survival trait.
Children who made social connections were able to protect themselves and compete for resources more efficiently. Neuroscience now backs this up, showing social encounters stimulate specific parts of the brain, resulting in dopamine and oxytocin release—elements that help build trust and strengthen social bonds.
The friendships formed during childhood work as a “practice field” for future intimate connections. During play and other activities, children develop the ability to empathize, handle conflicts, and moderate emotions.
A great longitudinal study featured in Developmental Psychology which followed 1200 subjects from the age of five to thirty concluded that children with stable friendships in their early years were 40% less likely to show depression or anxiety later on in life.
The research suggests that these bonds teach children how to move through social systems and develop self-esteem, making them more resilient to mental health issues as adults.
The Two Faces of Friendship: Protective vs. Toxic Bonds
Friendships forged during the formative years may vary. Healthy friendships tend to function like psychological shields, whereas toxic or unstable friendships can have enduring negative consequences.
Dr. Kenneth Ruban explains that there exists friendship quality and friendship quantity. Having high-quality friendships can be defined as friendships that are characterized with trust, mutual support, and healthy resolution of conflicts.
These friendships are associated with lower cortisol levels and greater emotional intelligence. In contrast, friendships where there is jealousy, exclusion, or even manipulation present can cause loneliness and a sense of inadequacy, even decades later.
As an instance, consider this finding from a study grouped in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology from 2020. Those adults reporting to have friendships during childhood were subject to betrayals and abandonment, and were more likely to develop borderline personality disorder (BPD) traits later on.
The lead author of the study posited that such early instability results in a disruption on coherent self-identity, probably making them prone to emotional dysregulation.
The Role of Friendship in Shaping Core Beliefs
A kid who is constantly engaged in games and dialogues will develop a sense of self-acceptance and self-love. These positive affirmations about oneself helps an individual deal with rejection and isolation during the rest of their life. While, on the opposite spectrum, children who are bullied or face peer rejection develop a script of deep-self loathing and worthlessness.
Negative core beliefs such as “nobody loves me”, “I will always be hurt” are often traced back to ancient social events by cognitive therapists. Lisa D’Amour, a psychologist and an author states, “A child being constantly bullied by peers starts dreading the adult phase of their life; where they will be made fun of.”
Gender, Culture, and Friendship Dynamics
The effects of friendships made in childhood are moderated by the individual’s gender and cultural practices. For instance, girls tend to create close emotionally-based friendships while boys’ friendships are more activity oriented.
These patterns have disparate effects on adult mental health. For example, adult depression is a fairly common outcome among women who as children had no close friends because of the absence of early emotional support systems.
On the other hand men might have issues with vulnerability in midlife if their close friendships in formative years discouraged emotional vulnerability.
Cultural background is of relevance in this instance. For example, friendship in childhood may stress loyalty and deviate from the norm in collectivist societies where group integration is preferred.
A 2018 cross-cultural study published in Child Development brought to attention the fact that adults from collectivist cultures, who were socially rejected as children, had greater instances of social anxiety than those from individualistic cultures who proved to be more resilient, probably because they valued self-reliance more.
The Shadow of Loneliness: When Friendships Are Absent
As for a few children, a lack of friendships can be way worse than having unsupportive friendships. The loneliness that stalks a child on a daily basis activates a chain reaction of both physical and psychological consequences.
To the socially lonely brain, isolation equals a threat to its existence, leading to activation of the amygdala, aka the fear center of the brain and leads to suppression of prefrontal cortex activities like decision making or impulse control.
Ultimately, this amygdala-dominant mindset becomes permanently engraved due to neurological stress. This increases the chances of suffering from adult disorders like chronic anxiety, substance abuse, and even heart diseases.
Dr. John Cacioppo, the first to conduct research in loneliness, developed the concept named social pain overlap theory, where the emotions of the child sharing prolonged periods of loneliness are hypothesized to gain severe over-sensitivity as adults towards social dismissal.
Such children are argued to dominate and manifest such traits in his/her adulthood. A 2019 meta-analysis study published in Psychological Bulletin showed that being othered or harassed in childhood is as dangerous to one’s mental health as smoking 15 cigarettes in one day.
Friendship as a Buffer Against Trauma
One of the strongest pieces of evidence of the benefits of childhood friendships is their trauma mitigating capacity. Friends are commonly used as a substitute support system by children dealing with difficulties such as abuse, poverty, or familial instability.
A groundbreaking study in 1994 by Emmy Werner who tracked 698 high-risk children from Hawaii revealed that solid peer relationships significantly increased the chances of overcoming trauma and achieving stability in adulthood.
This resilience is attributed to the ‘social buffering’ effect by neuroscientists. Positive friendships decrease cortisol levels and increase serotonin production, which neutralizes the neurotoxic effects that stress can have. A loyal friend can help rewire the brains of traumatized children and aid in developing lasting resilience.
The Digital Age: A Double-Edged Sword
In the modern age, social media friendships are increasingly screen based so it’s vital to consider the depth and the quality of the relationships. Constant connection could be easily achieved but oftentimes it is done at the expense of intimacy.
A study conducted in march 2023 by pew research had revealed that 58% of teenagers at their online friendships had lower meaning as compared to their personal relationships.
The lack of eye contact, touch and tone in virtual interactions makes them devoid of emotional bonding that enables people to acquire empathy. And while the development of empathy is made harder through online interactions, the previously mentioned skill is highly developed in face to face scenarios. Without a doubt, online spaces can offer a ray of hope to marginalized youth that wish to feel accepted. The mental health impact still remains to be explored, yet scholars suspect there might be an uptick in adult loneliness along with superficial relationships.
Implications for Parents and Educators
The implications of childhood friendships pertaining to the entire lifespan brings to the fore the manner adults give assistance to the development of friendships. Overemphasis on competitions makes school systems ignore specific aspects of social-emotional learning (SEL), which may have adverse effects on children’s mental well-being.
Programs such as CASEL’S SEL framework which aid conflict management and expression of feelings have shown measurable positive development on children’s peer relations and psychological well-being.
But even parents have a vital input. Close guidance or too much management in arranging playdates may inhibit children from learning how to relate with others on their own. On the opposite end, helping children build emotional intelligence involves allowing them to talk about challenges with friendships without rushing to solve the problems.
Rewriting the Narrative
Friendships nurtured during childhood are crucial for our mental development and should not be viewed as pieces of our history which are inconsequential. With the increased struggles surrounding depression, anxiety, and feelings of loneliness, it is evident that investment in children’s social welfare is necessary.
It is not a luxury but a dire need of the hour. By nurturing these benevolent relationships between children, we sculpt psychological resources that enable them to manage the challenges of life.
Our past friends are significantly more than memories tucked away in our minds. They are the shapes that crafted our psyche, the soothing laughter that still echoes in the back of our minds and a silent piece of our memories. Acknowledging their power is the first step towards healing hope.
